


Alone

by Dotdotbeepdot



Series: Self-Indulgent [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Common Remus Thoughts, Fear of Abandonment, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, No Unsympathetic Sides, Remus has issues baby, Repression, fear of being alone, idk I wrote this in one night for no reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24433651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dotdotbeepdot/pseuds/Dotdotbeepdot
Summary: Remus deals with news of Janus being accepted.
Relationships: Can be seen as Dukeceit
Series: Self-Indulgent [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1652389
Comments: 3
Kudos: 115





	Alone

Janus has been accepted.

Which is fine. Remus couldn’t give a shit about it.

Honestly why  _would_ he care what Janus does? It’s not like Janus was his last friend or the one to take him in after the split or the only one that even tries to handle him anymore. No, no, it’s totally fine!

When news got to the basement of the mind, Janus had assured him that he wasn’t going to leave like Virgil did. He promised that he wasn’t moving rooms, wasn’t going to spend less time with him, and was still going to be there for him whenever he needed. Remus is ashamed to think that he believed him.

Oh,  _ but of course,  _ Janus lied. He spent much less time down in the basement, and when Remus came to his room at night because his thoughts were becoming too much, Janus told him he was so tired from working all day. He asked if Remus could give him a break for tonight.

A break. What a dick.

Yeah, that was selfish for Remus to think, but his thoughts never gave him a break. Janus was supposed to control him, control his thoughts and ideas when they started to become too much. If Janus wasn’t going to just be there for him, then Remus is going to feel the need to tell others. And when he feels the need to tell others, they get upset at him and that makes Thomas upset and that pulls him further from being accepted and before you know it, it’s been 10 years and Remus is rotting alone in the basement with a long ass beard.

Remus doesn’t want to rot alone. Even if the thought of a living body slowly rotting is a really cool thought.

So here he was, razor in hand, staring in disgust at the baby face in front of him. He shaved off his mustache and removed his makeup. God, he looked like some sort of  _ prick.  _ And not the good kind either. Was he really willing to change himself for Thomas and the others?

He didn’t want to be alone...

A little eyeshadow wouldn’t be  _ terrible,  _ though. Virgil still has eyeshadow.

Now, came his outfit. He adored his clothes, but it scared the others too much. Yes, that’s what Remus wanted at first, but if Janus— if he wanted to be accepted, he had to tone it down. They let Virgil be a little scary, he can be too. Right?

By the end, he’s gotten rid of the teeth and the eye that followed people around, but he kept his puffy sleeves and little octopus accents. They were still his colors, just... little things are different.

And he hated it. He fucking hated it so much.

But he didn’t want to be alone.

He heard a knock on the door and Janus on the other side. Remus smiled, but stopped himself. He looked back at the mirror and smiled again. A little  _too_ scary. He poked and prodded at his face until it was more of a smirk than a sharp grin. Much better.

He popped out of the bathroom and answered his door, hopping back and throwing open his arms, waiting for praise.

Janus was quiet.

“New look?” was the first thing he said, raising a thin eyebrow as he looked him over. “Doesn’t seem your style.”

“Style changes,” Remus dropped his arms. His lip twitched at his screechy voice. He cleared his throat and hacked up a little phlegm. Nasally would be a little less annoying. “Do you like it? Do you think the others would?”

Janus made a face. “Since when do you care what people like?”

“I care what people like!” Remus shouted.  _ Bleh,  _ shouting wouldn’t help him. He bounced slightly on his feet. “And I have a plan. See, I know you promised you weren’t going to leave me like everyone else, but if I can get Thomas to accept me than you don’t need to be stuck with me! You can be up there with Patton and Logan and even butthead and shit— Virgil and Roman. And I’ll be there too!”

_“And_ to get accepted you’re changing yourself?” Janus sounded uninterested in Remus brilliant plan. “I thought it hurt for you to repress your urges?”

Remus shoved down the memory of pressure in his chest as he held himself back from voicing his thoughts and shook his head. “I’m just toning it down a little so they’ll let me around them.”

“You don’t look like yourself.”

“I don’t  _need_ to look like myself if it means I won’t be alone.”

Shit. Why was he so bad at keeping things to himself? 

Janus frowned, expression turning serious. Remus hated it when Janus turned serious instead of his usual indifference. That meant he was going to pry open all those deep emotional wounds so that you’re bleeding out and can’t ignore them anymore. He stepped forward and Remus stepped back. 

Sighing, Janus adjusted his cape. “I thought you were getting better, Remus.”

The Duke let out an ugly snort. “This kinda shit— stuff doesn’t just go away.”

“Oh, please do not censor yourself again,” Janus reached out for him and Remus tucked into himself, crossing his arms across his chest. Janus lowered his hand. “We’ve worked so hard on getting rid of your self-esteem and abandonment issues.”

“And you’ve thrown it all away getting accepted.” Remus sang, giving sarcastic little jazz hands to empathize how hilarious it is. “You’re gonna leave like Virgil did, I know it. You just feel like you need to stay here because of me.”

“That’s not true,” Janus whispered in that stupid, paternal voice he had. “Remus, I’ve told you since the beginning, and again after Virgil left, that I’m never planning on leaving you. I mean it when I say that no matter how close I get with the others, I will stay down here with you until you can come with me.”

“How do I know your not lying, hm?” He let the venom slip into his words, putting on a more humorous expression even though he felt that this was far from funny. “Patton said he would always love me before I found myself at your doorstep, Roman said he would be right back to play and I didn’t see him for 3 years. _You_ said you would always be there for me and you told me to deal with my thoughts alone yesterday.” Remus saw the grimace on his face when he said that. It made him a little better knowing that Janus felt guilty, but also not at all. “Virgil at least didn’t lie to me when he left. Just told us to get fucked and then crawled into Patton’s lap as the new dark scary son.”

Janus was quiet. For a little longer than what Remus was comfortable with. Truthfully, Remus was praying he was wrong. He wanted Janus to deny all of it with a sweet voice and swear on his life to never leave his side. He wanted Janus to take him with to live with the others no matter what they said. He wanted to talk with Janus and watch movies with Janus and just _stay_ with Janus. 

He just couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself long enough for that to happen.

“I will make mistakes like I did last night,” Janus whispered. “But I will _never_ lie to you, Remus. I promise you I’m not going to leave. Please do not try to change yourself again, I don’t like seeing you hurt yourself like this.”

“It only hurts a little...” he mumbled, but relaxed his shoulders. Janus took that as a sign that he was starting to believe him.

“You shouldn’t be hurting yourself at all,” Janus took another step forward and placed a hand on Remus’ bicep. “Let’s get you changed and fix your face. It’s very disturbing seeing you without your mustache, almost can’t tell you and Roman apart.”

Remus made a face at the comparison between him and his brother, which relieved Janus greatly. Remus being disgusted at the thought of looking like Roman meant his mindset wasn’t too far down into that hole of his. 

He let Remus go to the bathroom to turn back to normal and went to their living room to get the tv on for a well deserved movie night. At 1pm. They both needed it anyway.

Janus didn’t take in the fact of him getting accepted would bring back Remus’ old doubts and fears. It was difficult getting him out of the rut when Virgil left— difficult getting them both out of that one— and even harder to get him out of the repression and denial that the others had conditioned him into, he didn’t want him losing all the progress he’s made just because something as silly as Thomas taking time to himself. 

Well, that _is_ something important that Thomas does need to work on, but that’s not the point.

The point was that Janus wasn’t going to lose Remus to his terrible thoughts like he lost Virgil. 

_“Oh,_ Deadpool!” Remus gasped as he hopped into the living room wearing nothing but the mustache on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this all in one night for no reason whatsoever. Just saying Remus probably has a history or trying to change himself so people don’t leave him and Virgil probably ripped that back open and Janus being accepted gave him that final nudge. He’s ofc not perfectly fine after this talk, probably still needs a bit of reassurance that Jan is only going up for a minute and struggles a bit not to censor himself, but this is all I wrote.


End file.
